Bananas

Ralph Flanagan: Ralph has class, Ralph has ass, Ralph has all that jazz. A wayward brat that has a ball at last salad days as a Harvard frat’s grad (Kappa-Alpha-Lambda that had a rampart start at Clark, Atlanta) and a gallant phantast as frank as Zappa that has alpaca pants and walks that sharp cat walk. Ralph has a Kamagra flashback: a mad, glam gangbang at Bahamas. Playback: Last March? Mayhap that was May? That’s Paracas, man. Ralph lacks Yanjaa’s knack, can’t hark that far back; Ralph slacks at Baha Mar. All fratragavant lads hang at a spa. Alas, Ralph had a cab-lag and hadn’t lash’d fast at that pack. Matt Dallas, Jack Andraka, Chad (a cần sa’d bald alpha stag that has jack’d traps; alas as far as dawn hasn’t had a tabata), Harald Scharff, Grant Hart, Tamal Ray, Ash, Shawn, Tarzan, Batman, Alban, Randal, Gandalf, Ahmad Ramadan (has an arafat that hangs at that scalp), Mr Yatagama-sama (a transactant as sharp as a tack that has a katana that spans as far as all Japan), Canaan Banana, Frank Barnhart, Barack (a Ghana lad, stalwart and bandanna-clad, as dark as half a panda), Max Alcantara, Jax, Zax (a crack-blank L.A. pal), Garl, Gaff, Gad, Gad’s dad, Mark (a sharp-shav’d trans-trans-man), Brad Patt and, at last, Graham Chapman. And gals? Glad ya ask’d; all chalant lads that crack banal smalltalks at a spa and cramp at a warm bath – Gays as gay as jackals. A crass lass’ vajazzl’d satch as fragrant as Taj Mahal’s flagrant at dawn? Nah ma’am, thanks. Mayhap a backcrack? Nay, byatch! Sad shag! What a scandal! A lass’ ass lacks drama! Away, Natalyas, Amandas, Sandras and Samanthas! Away all pads and jam-rags! Back away at that satch-hatch! Clam-jam! Fan-ban! Cast away dark spawns, that hag, that tart, that grandma way past wallSPLAT! and that… That… Whatchyacallthat? Flappant twat! *Fbhracht!* «That shan’t pass!», bawls Gandalf. That’s all man’s land, skank! A lad’s ass has all calmant and pansal warmths a man can want! And that’s a pal! Graham Chapman starts WhatsApp and calls Ralph Flanagan; a gay vassal and a gay padawan. «Wanna grab a manhattan and hang at Pattaya?» «What’s that? A papaya?» «Pattaya! That’s a gay bar at that Cabbag’d Strand!» «Achcha, always!» At Pattaya: Ahmad says a basmala and thanks Allah. Graham calls an apt man: pag’d chap grants all that lads want. Ralph has a jalamah lamb’s rack à la Mazaca and taramasalata, Chad an A-class raw swan tartar and bánh canh chả cá («Awkward sprat-tart», says Chad). Gandalf wants taba ng talangka and kalabasa sa gata (padang crabs and pasta, all as fat as lard), Barack a sag’d gravlax and Baccalà alla Parma. Mr Yatagama nags that chap: «Banana-wrapp’d sata! And alfalfa-larb salad! Mansaf kasha! Lasagna! Prawns! And a stag-calf!» Lads bawl: «Mash a chay!» As far as bar, all halal. «An armagnac!» «Ayayay…» «Mr Yatagama?», asks Batman, «Has Mr Yatagama a flat that can pack all that madcap amalgam?» «A flat?», Mr Yatagama acts all appall’d, «Mr Yatagama-wa an apt yacht has!» All lads that sang ‹Tart Flat Alabama›: start that gay parada! Back at Mr Yatagama’s yacht: a bacchanal carnaval: crass pajamas; H&M sandals; fawn cravats; Zara handbags; tarlatan caftans; tan lap-straps; rajah tangas; Walmart star scarfs; G-Star Raw garms; damask scrag-bands; catawba spats; a stray bra; fandangal flatcaps; ‹Playgal› mags; naff lavalavas; a llama nam’d Carl that has a glam hat; amaranth ball-gags; glass anal 8-balls; flax strap-gasmasks; a Yamaha (SG-2C, that awkward hansa-straw banana), a scratchcard and a dwarf. Gandalf has stash’d pharmacal snacks cach’d at that gray garb: hash, crack, crank, a grass-bag and black tar (and apt sharps). Gandalf packs that nasal cav and hands Ralph an MDMA tab – a gram and a half! «That’s... Abstract art, man.» «That’s dark arts, Ralph.», says Gandalf. Ralph taps that tab as fast as a starv’d rat… Nah, scratch that: as fast as a Taycan, and… And… «Start that partaaay!» Barack says: «Bwana, warm that graal, asap!» Ralph talks that talk & walks that walk: half-clad half-glad, grabs that basalt Shaft and starts Barack’s car. «That’s a playa!», says Barack. «That man’s mamba spans a yard and a half!», adds Ralph and swabs Barack’s lamp. «Champ that ham!» Ralph has a palatablant snack and a NASA glass. «Gangnam stayl!» Barack’s dangl’d balls hang asag, swash as maracas, cha-cha-cha! «Aback, aback!», bawls Zax. Ralph parks Barack’s car & casts Zax’ salad. Ralph’s fangs yank Zax’ backyard lawn’s grassstalks. «Pat that fat bat!», says Batman, acts all flambgayant. Dad says ‹pat›, Ralph pats. Ralph has a charmant rash; fax’d ‘stash; wax’d thatch; wash’d hatch – and that’s what Chad wants. Ralph has a backpat at that backpath. Chad’s jackstaff stands tall and as hard as a bark. *Rawr* Chad nabs Ralph’s Harvard vat; rams that dam and slams that wam. Bam. Bam! BAM! «Wacht, wacht, langsam! Balsam that crack!» «What a brat; stay calm!», says Chad and ransacks that stash. Tap, zap, clap, slap, fap, swap. «Aw, stahp!», yawls Ralph as Chad draws all that ATM cash. Ralph grabs Chad’s abs (shap’d and hard as tarmacadam asphalt) and has a calm asthma. All that apays Chad’s almands. «Hadaka!», calls Mr Yatagama. «That’s bananas, man!» says Ralph as that MDMA tab as mad as G. Ramsay starts an attack: all gastral scarabs swarm Ralph’s carnal avatar. Mr Yatagama spanks Ralph & landmarks that crab-appl’d ass (draws a katakana stamp and a bara – black baccara). Xmas! All shackl’d, tam’d and manacl’d, Ralph has a blast (alas a scant spasm halts as Ralph hasn’t smack-dab-tapp’d that man’s G-mark); Manx cat. «Lads, fast!» «What?» «Array, wankards! A caravan!» All pants fall at samba’s call, all lads array arrang’d as tramcars that dash at a tramtrack; an anal fractal. Batman adds a snapchat stat (hashtags: #fag, #gag, #swag), says: «Stalk that!», draws a Mac, starts that cam and a vast-cast: ‹A Haggadah and an anal Cabalah at a fag Sabbath›. Mr Yatagama marks that cam as a fav and starts a Q&A. All clan’s at arms, all clan’s at war. All clan has bad sarcasms, mad assgasms, palmar-shags, anal-shags, nasal-shags, alar-shags: all that lacks tax! Ralph wags that wand; Gandalf’s grand staff sways at Ralph’s dark chasm’s arcana, casts fag charms and says: «Shazam abracadabra alakazam!» Alas, Ahmad can’t stand that. «That’s haram!», says Ahmad, all appall’d. «That’s mammals!», says Mark (land’s salt). That dwarf asks: «Can lads catch STDs?» Phphfft! Can STDs catch lads? At a flash, sharks clash, jab at that aft pathway. All lamparts (and Aslan!) pack at that ark: DP! «Add a lad!» TP! «Add Chad!» QP! «Add an arm!» Mash’d Ralph brays, shagg’d at all flanks: «Aaaahhh!» Ralph’s gang-rap’d ass laps all cramp’d wangatangs an ant-span apart. Jaws gnaw; claws paw; fangs gnash; bananas smash; haphazard farts; haphazard spasms; BDSM, PTSD; daggl’d dangalangs clamp at that damp swamp. As all manyams crash, wattl’d at that anal salsa, dwarf: all aghast; faps aback: «What a ‹Shawshank Payback›! Glad grandma’s afar!» All jacks awad, Ralph’s rang’d crap canal’s ramm’d raw and rampant! *Thall!* At last, tanks blast napalm cataracts at ‘Nam! Chad bawls: «Watch that balls’ magma hazmat splash as far as Alaska!» Ralpha and Krav-MAGA! Carnal salts swash; Azkaban walls crack; Gandalf’s staff casts gamma rays; ballbags clash; fanfaras play; stars fall as stargasms call; all chakras agap; th’ anal jam splats Japanwards; all rams bang at Asgard’s hatchway: WAAAGH! At last: VALHALLA! Ralph can’t stand as that stall’s all ajar; vast, dark hallway stands ayawn. A waft snarls. Warm anal Fanta sprays that dwarf’s scalp (stray, fragrant mascara). Panama hats and amp’d ‹scabards› lay afar. Gray Gandalf: blanch’d as an asscrack. Dawn. Ash. Babalaas. All salamandral varans tan abask as vacant ballsacks sway aslack. «Alpha plasma sank Bahamas.», says Ralph Flanagan.